As coaches and parents teach athletes to play, the ways we provide feedback and instruction influence the ways athletes approach any new challenge. Coaching through positive self-talk is an opportunity to teach kids to approach new situations with optimism and confidence, and sport psychologist Dr. Roberta Kraus, Ph.D. provided the following guidance on positive self-talk for young athletes.
According to Dr. Kraus, there is a four-step process for learning new skills: think, feel, perform, and create habits. Some coaches and parents disregard or skip over the “feel” step, even though it may be the most important one. When teaching athletes a new skill, whether it’s how to hit a curveball or how to cope with losing a game, feelings create the emotional connection for why we want to perform the skill the right way. The goal is for athletes to want to perform the right way because it feels good and elicits positive feedback, not out of fear of negative feedback.
Here are some of the ways Dr. Kraus says parents and coaches can help guide athletes through positive self-talk.
End on the positive
When talking to an athlete before they go to the starting blocks or onto the field, the last thing you say becomes their dominant thought. It creates a mental image that often directly influences their next action. If your last instruction is “Don’t DQ!” then their dominant thought is to avoid a negative. To convey the same idea and create a picture of how to be successful, you can say, “Wait for the gun!”
Start critiques on the negative
Whether it’s on the sidelines during halftime or on the ride home after practice, coaches and parents often start critiques with what athletes did well, and end with constructive criticism. Dr. Kraus says that should be flipped the other way. You want the end of your post-activity feedback to give kids a picture of what they did right and how to be successful.
Instead of this: “You showed great hustle out there, but you’re not looking for the open player to pass to.”
Say this: “You have to work on looking for the open player to pass to, but I’m proud of the way you hustled out there.”
Apply a 4:1 ratio of positive to negative feedback
“Negative feedback carries more weight than positive. Kids are brought down more by criticism than they are uplifted by an equal amount of praise,” says Kraus. In order for positive feedback to outweigh negative, aim to provide four positive comments for every negative one. Dr. Kraus emphasizes this is important over time, rather than for every interaction. Over the course of a week or a month, you want the ratio to end up around 4:1. Trying to maintain a 4:1 ratio with every interaction leads to disingenuous praise, and positive feedback has to be genuine in order to be effective.
But don’t shy away from negative feedback
“It is OK to chew a kid out for negative behavior, but you have to come back and give them a picture of what to do right, says Dr. Kraus. “You can’t just leave it up to them to figure out what you want.” Similarly, she says, don’t assume that no feedback is positive feedback. When the athlete makes the positive change, acknowledge the change with positive feedback.
Positive self-talk is an important skill in sports, the classroom, and in relationships. Changing the ways you provide instruction and feedback influence the ways children learn to approach new situations and what they tell themselves about their performance.
Dr. Kraus has designed a mental training drill book for coaches and athletes to assist them in customizing a specific mental training program for their athlete(s) throughout the competitive season. It is called: “Got Game” – Coaches’ & Athletes’ Mental Training Skill Building Workbook. In addition she has co-authored a new portable deck of coaching cards utilized to help develop coaches’ effectiveness. This “Coaching Leaders Out-of-the-Box” using the COACH ™ training tool is a useful way to enhance your skills as a coach in any walk of life.
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